Well, I decide to re-launch my blog and in the same week I get stabbed and end up fighting for my life on a train in Cape Town! I don't intend to be dramatic or overplay these things and I really am seeking a peaceful less dramatic life but that's what just happened a few days ago and why I'm writing this from hospital hoping to have my chest drain removed and to recover fully at home in the coming weeks. Recovery (from addiction, not knife wounds!) for me has been a valuable experience as has the trials and tribulations that go with life. Things get better yes but bad things don't just stop happening to me just because I'm sober. I'm going to talk about the stabbing incident very soon on here because I have learnt a lot from that experience but for now I want to mention something many people have brought up about what happened, the general personal safety situation in South Africa and who is really to blame. Now this really annoys me! Many people here just accept muggings and even stabbings which I like to think of as attempted murder to get some perspective on this, as just stuff that happens here. A social divide which somehow excuses crime because one person is worse off than another. I literally do strive to help anybody in need regardless of who they are or where they come from so for someone to even think of pointing the finger somehow at me for what happened to me makes me very angry indeed. People have said such things as 'you should just hand everything over without making a fuss' but that's not me! I'm going to ask certain questions such as 'What even makes you think that, just because there's two of you and you both have knives, you can just demand my stuff like that?!'. It's probably why I get stabbed but it's the way I feel!
Now, let me get this straight! So, what we basically become is a society that hands over their stuff to avoid being killed? Like going back to the days of highway men shouting 'stand and deliver, your money or your lives'? This is bullshit though! Just because someone has something that another person cannot have does not mean that person can simply demand the item in return for letting them live! We are playing into their hands! What kind of a world do we live in where people who are not prepared or able to aspire to everything they could be are prepared to kill to get what they want and then are being tolerated whilst the victims are being told to be more fucking vigilante! So I get the blame for being stabbed because I got on the wrong train in a dangerous part of town as if somehow that makes me a justifiable target for this sort of thing. Like I was asking to be stabbed by putting temptation in front of people! I can't lead a normal life and use my iPhone on a train because that's flaunting my moderate to non-existent wealth? The only difference between them and me is that if I can't afford, I make do. I don't stab people! It's like 'how can they help it if you flaunt it and put temptation in their way'. They can help it by not taking stuff or stabbing people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that their actions cause this shit and their actions alone, the victim has no part in the blame at all. Much like with rape, which is also a hugely harrowing and depressing subject. Many people have this argument that many girls who are raped either flirted, had too much to drink or dressed in a provocative manner (most girls I know have done all of these things because they are normal fucking people!), somehow encouraging the rapist into raping them, thus sharing part of the blame! This is obviously ludicrous as the only individual that has any and all of the blame is the man who took it upon himself to rape the girl. As in this situation, the only person who has any and all of the blame is the man who tried to steal off me and then kill me. The perpetrator had all the blame and the victim absolutely none. So that's what I think about this blame game. It didn't happen because I happen to have a nice phone and am not afraid to use it in public and it's not because I got on a train naively expecting to arrive at my destination alive. It happened because a man with lesser morals than me decided that when he couldn't get what he demanded, he would stick a knife through my back and into the centre on my right lung. I hate that there are such individuals in the world and as I lay there thinking that I was going to die I actually prayed for this man! That freaked me out as it was a weird reaction but I'll explain next time when I talk more about the actual incident.
Just for today I will end on this note...this attitude of tolerance and making excuses for criminals has to end. It alarms me and I don't care where we are in the world, society has got to start standing up to these people and not make innocent people feel like they have to do more to protect themselves. I don't want my home country, England, to become like America with everyone owning guns 'for protection' which doesn't work and just creates more deaths. My attitude won't change, I will continue to try to help all and will continue to trust all until proven otherwise and will not judge people. I won't be more cautious in my approach or change my attitude. I suppose inevitably though, I will naturally become more distrustful and suspicious of people and I think that's sad. In South Africa but I'm sure also the rest of the world too, people generally have this kind of attitude that they avoid showing weakness of any kind, acting all hard and cynical whenever they meet someone new as a kind of weird defence mechanism. So you have everyone doing it, going around looking hard, snarling at one another and just appearing rude because they're frightened not to appear weak and an easy target. The result is that people just end up looking rude and obnoxious and are distrustful of everybody and this is how we live our lives today, people are fucking weird!
On a final note, following this incident many have asked if I will be returning to the UK? What do you think? Of course not, I'm not going to let a blip like this get me down and start hating this country and it's people just because of one prick with a knife! I love Cape Town and the people and I can't imagine a more beautiful place to continue my recovery.
I'm gonna nip off and get this chest drain ripped out and hopefully get off home and out of this public hospital in Cape Town. It's been bad being stabbed but the process of recovery has been an inspiring one and I've met lots of interesting people. I am finding new ways of dealing with quite mayor stuff in my life and that's progress for the alcoholfreeme.com