Short one but I just had to put this picture up! I love the pure expression of gratitude and excitement on the boys face. In recovery, I still have bad days. It's nowhere near the chaotic ups and downs of active addiction and I don't have my drug of choice, alcohol to see me through. I sometimes think about drinking again but we all know it won't be social drinking! When I do, I only have to look at all the things I have let go of and the people I have pushed out of my life. People I loved dearly whom I never meant to hurt. Part of healing is to be ok with the past. Not nessasarily just blank it out but use it as a reminder of how bad it really got. Also, from that, think about what you are grateful for and maybe write it down as written word makes it more real, I feel.
That's what I do. I look at all the loved ones I've pushed away, this time around, my own wife. I remember the times at work when I was barely functioning and the fear that I was going to have a seizure if I didn't get a drink. Every day, the stress of driving to work knowing that more than likely I was over the drink drive limit. Hiding my drinking from my wife and lying and manipulating her. Being alone in the flat and not knowing where she was. She'd gone to her parents a lot to be away from me but I didn't think that this was a big deal. The hurt I've caused my family is huge and reminds me that I never want to go back there. That life was so draining and hard work to maintain!
This is where the gratitude comes in. I am grateful every time I see a picture of my three beautiful nieces and lovely family. I wake up and am grateful for the privalidge of being able to drink coffee as the sun shines. I am grateful that I am not tied down by addiction, having to get more just to feed the habit. I'm grateful for my friends out here and just doing normal stuff. I'm grateful that I can feel real joy again and can laugh out loud. I'm grateful for the beautiful setting in which I live. I'm grateful for the air that I breathe and simply being alive, and most of all, I am grateful for the alcoholfreeme.com