They say one single moment can turn your whole life around and this was just one of those moments. Up to now I have led a rather dramatic life with close calls aplenty but getting stabbed on a train seems to me, a rather over the top way to generate drama! I've had many arguments about the whys and wherefores of the situation and my conclusion still remains that I didn't ask for this. The poverty argument doesn't wash with me, I'm always keen to help a fellow human in any way possible, often financially, and this has been a pattern in my life. Yeah we take precautions to protect ourselves but we can't live our lives in fear of being attacked, this is key to me and probably explains my reaction to events. I'm not angry or resentful, I put that to rest at the time of the attack, however I feel that there has to be some kind of backlash and my 'fuck you' attitude towards the attackers and their sympathisers that I have is testament to that. Some questions that I ask myself still fly around in the air, questions such as should I just handover things that are essentially replaceable in the name of self-preservation? I don't know, maybe? I think it's easy for people detached from the situation to be wise after the event to say I should have just given them what they want but to me that's not really the solution or an answer to the problem and I'm going to protect what's mine on a whim if that's what it takes. I actually feel a sense of pride that I fought and injured them and held on to my stuff despite nearly losing my life. Is this insane? Probably!? There's also the fact that until something like this happens to us we don't know how we are going to react, it's all impulse, flight or fight. That's why I don't entertain these people with their 'wise' words. Contrary to what some people think, I don't relish people trying to kill me! I haven't enjoyed the last two weeks of enduring the pain of trying to breath with a chest drain in situ, the subsequent infections and just feeling crap 24 hours a day. It's no fun and it's certainly not something that I would like to happen to anybody.
Hey, I'm going to write a full account of what happened over the next few days just so people know and in a small way I hope to follow this thing up and make train travel that little bit safer for people here. It might not change a thing but weather you're one of the people who live with crime as a daily thing or one of those who would prefer it didn't happen, you all deserve to travel without risking your life.
The positive that's come out of this is that it hasn't affected my sobriety and had shown that when we get and stay sober, bad things keep happening, it's just the way. My way of coping has changed though and to me, that is the key. I'm off away to a spa with a special person for a long weekend of pampering, rest and recuperation. I'm gonna enjoy it because I can as I have a new fearless life as the alcoholfreeme.com