The boy in the picture, next to me, is answering my question about how to use the front facing canera on my iPhone! The remarkable thing is that he lives in one of the poorest townships in South Africa. How did he know how my iPhone worked better than me?!
On another note, I think it's great to be able to talk about anything you are concerned about or is dragging you down (there are loads of people about who are happy to listen, even post a question or blog post if you want. Just reply to this post and I'll contact you with my e-mail address) Most people put on a brave face and crack on because they are conditioned that way through cultural stuff, family life etc. often because when they have disclosed, the response has been dismissive and the person doesn't feel listened to. (here is my 'language communication skills'! I'm going to try to keep this short because I've done too much writing recently). Too many people are poor listeners and the person can pick up the disinterestedness as it were, by body language. That's why only 7% of language are words, the rest is made up of linguistic stuff (language used, tone of voice etc.) and of course body language, making the actual words pretty irrelevant (that's why you don't always have to worry about saying the wrong thing, people won't remember. They will remember however if you say it in a hurtful tone or look like you were being nasty or if you are caring and compassionate. It's about the way the message is put across) I think you just have to find someone who won't judge you and someone whom you can reveal all things about yourself to, even the unsavoury stuff that you may be ashamed about. Cutting to the chase, the cynical me thinks that in today's society too many people simply only care about themselves and what they can get (someone illustrated this when they were trying to explain the 'South African workplace' politics. It sounded even more complex than South African politics in general and I'll never get my head around that!) That makes me sad and think deeply about if we are put here on this earth, which is mostly not a nice place with nasty, dishonest and hurtful people in it, then why are we here? Did God bite off more than he could chew with the human race, underestimate the power of self will? Probably not because he is God and that would be a schoolboy error for him! All I know is that there are good people out there and God will put them in your path, along your journey of life, even if just for a short time (one meeting or sentence can have a profound meaning and influence on your life). This is much like the 'everything happens for a reason' thing. I strongly believe both are true. This comes from a person who was lost and saw no way out other than drinking himself to death. Someone told me back then that I was right where I needed to be and you can imagine what I thought? (insert strong language). I even started to doubt my strong belief that everything does happen for a reason. How could it, too many people are casualties of my self-destruction? But wounds do heal and people forgive. The point I am trying to make is that after that severe pain you experience true joy because of that experience, not despite it. Otherwise life is just life (and many don't know what it's like to not be able to breath due to mental torment or be laid on the floor of a flat for days, only moving to stock up on vodka. What makes it worse is that the vodka was the only pleasure I had and by 'pleasure' I mean obliterated and unable to feel anything. Sorry to go about my particular case, I was trying to keep this a bit more general!). I think in my case the title of a Sterophonics album 'you've got to go there to come back' rings true. Some people go through more or less but everyone has known pain and sadness so we all have one thing in common there. In conclusion, I believe that God has a plan for me and despite the heartbreak of a failed marriage and a 20 year addiction to alcohol and other drugs, everything does happen for a reason. There is always hope when God's in control, even at the hardest times. If not, what is the point of it all? Someone asked me today if I was single and I instinctively said no and it was nice (that will mean something to some people but absolutely nothing to others!) The first time in a long time that I didn't have to explain the painful situation I was in. If you are Honest and remain Open Minded and you're a good person who cares about others, that is all you need to be. What good things have happened since I got sober 9 months ago? Well, everything's changed really. I feel genuine happiness for the first time in years. I'm not caged in and under constant stress and worry. I have great friends here in Cape Town and I have decided to live here and even go back to college! I passed my first assignment today and I never believed I could do that as alcohol has such a damaging effect on the brain. It's all good and, of course, the weather is better here than in England! If anyone tells you about the joys of recovery believe everything they tell you. I never believed them, now I believe in an alcoholfreeme.com